The Case of the Disappearing Panties
by Precious Pup
Summary: Bit of ridiculousness with Palmer, Tony and McGee running around with womans underwear in their pockets.Really what was I thinking? Still I think its funny.
1. Chapter 1

It was as Timothy McGee was walking out of autopsy and headed for the lift that he saw it- a small tangle of bright blue lying abandoned in the middle of the hallway. With habitual curiosity he bent down and picked it up expecting it to be nothing more than a scrap of material from one of Abby's experiments. As he stretched it out with both hands he suddenly realised that what he was holding was a woman bright blue lace thong. Blushing almost instantaneously he whirled around expected to see DiNozzo leaping out at him from around the corner, a leering smile on his face. Nothing.

What were they doing in the middle of the corridor? On the autopsy floor? And what the hell was he going to do with them? The lift light flashed and he saw that someone else was headed down to speak to Ducky. Suddenly realising that he was essentially standing in front of the lift holding up a pair of unknown woman's underwear, he stuffed them hurriedly into his pocket. Feeling unaccountably panicked he turned and started up the stairs not want to confront the mystery lift visitor in full awkward blush.

It was some time later after a rapid warrant request from Gibbs, a BOLO sent out and he was waiting on a fingerprint match that he realised he still had the underwear stuffed into his pocket. With a sideways glance over at Tony and a surruptitous look up at Ziva, which Tim realised only made his actions seem more suspicous he slipped the thong out of his pocket and into his desk draw. And he drew a deep breath and sighed, he couldn't help it he just felt relieved. 'What cha doing there Probie?'

'Oh nothing' Tim replied, which wasn't a lie because at that precise moment he had been doing nothing. Tony narrowed his eyes suspiciously at McGee and then proceeded to throw a wad of paper at McGee's head.

Tim ignored Tony antics, steepled his fingers and began to think in earnest about what to do with the underwear. If he lost his underwear he would be extremely anxious to know what had happened to it. Who had seen it? Where had it ended up? Not that he was ever wandering around in a situation where his underwear flew off and lay abandoned in hallways. He just didn't lead that sort of life. But how to discretely return them to the owner? How to find out who the owner was?

The only thing he knew was that they weren't Abbeys – black, red, lace, silk, thong, boy leg and brief he had seen her wear but never ever bright blue. So that ruled out one woman out of say, 150 in the building who might be the owner of said underwear currently lying in his top draw. Still not many women travelled down to autopsy, although it could have been someone from administration chasing some paperwork. It was as he considered these deep universal mysteries of woman and their underwear that he decided to visit the Head. Thinking was always more condusive on an empty bladder. Still deep in thought he left his desk and headed for the bathroom.

Tony's head shot up as soon as McGee was out of sight. 'Well lets see what we have here Ziii Va. McGee was definitely hiding something. I'm sure of it'. Tony opened the draw to McGee's desk.

'Ohhhhh Zivaaa what has our little Probie been up to??' Ziva looked up to see Tony with a huge smile plastered all over his face. 'What are you talking about?' Tony snatched up the blue panties and stretched them out between his hands and waived them at Ziva.

'Ohhh this is too good! McGee has a pair of woman's panties in his drawer!!!' He hissed loudly, too excited to really keep his voice down. 'Oh really? Ziva replied eager to understand more of the quirks of the American male.

Suddenly Tony heard McGee walking towards the squad room again talking to someone animatedly on cell. He quickly stuffed the panties back into the draw and jumped across the divide so it looked like he was reaching over to place something on Gibbs desk instead of loitering at McGee's. McGee snapped his cell closed and sat back down at his desk and set his mind back to considering the Panties Problem, completely ignoring DiNozzo who appeared to be having some sort of fit with his eyebrows.

Ah Cynthia. Yes she would be perfect. She was polite and discrete. She wouldn't be the director's assistant if she wasn't and she knew everyone and their roles in the agency. She was also a woman so perhaps she could discretely ask around or at least take them off his hands. Feeling hopeful to be soon relieved of his burden, Tim slipped them into his pocket and strolled away from his desk trying to think of a way to nonchalantly get into the Directors office to speak to her privately. Picking up a random file off his desk he headed up to see her, practising the excuse that he needed the Director to sign off on something if asked.

Tony watched him go and then bolted across to McGee's desk to examine the underwear further. Ripping the draw open he searched the draw. 'They're gone! He must have taken them with him.'

'Perhaps they are his Tony'.

'What are you talking about Ziva?' Tony proceeded to lean over Zivas desk, invading her space. 'Well some men like the feel of wearing woman's underwear against their skin. It is a fetish? Perhaps he likes the secret? The idea that under his boring Federal Agent approved business shirt, tie, beige sports coat and tan trousers he is wearing bright blue lace woman's underwear? McGee does like his secrets Tony, maybe this is why?'

'Ohh no I don't see Probie wearing them, beside they would be way too small to even contemplate him getting them on. Those babies belonged to a very small woman.' Ziva opened her mouth 'Don't ask me how I know, just know that I do. Tony smiled smugly.

McGee had in the meantime made a frustrating trip up to see the Director or really Cynthia only to discover both of them were in MTAC and were likely to be there for a while. So it was a sightly downcast McGee who traipsed back into the squad room and sat back at his desk. He had just returned the incriminating evidence back to his draw when Gibbs strode into the room. 'Tony, Ziva, McGee you made any progress on the case yet?' There was a chorus of responses responding in the negative while Gibbs swept the room with his gaze. 'McGee with me, I want you to interpret for me when I speak to this systems programmer who reported the murder.'

Tony waited until the two of them had left in the elevator before once again heading over to McGee desk and lifting the underwear lovingly up, twirled them around his fingers. 'So Ziva are they yours?' Ziva glanced over to the underwear and narrowing her eyes considered them for a moment. 'You know Tony, they do look a bit like a pair I have.'

'Really??' Ziva wiggled her eyebrows and then hearing the lift doors open said quickly 'Tony, Gibbs is coming back, don't let him catch you with woman's underwear he will never believe they aren't yours!' Startled Tony shoved the underwear into McGee's desk drawer and ran across to his computer and started typing furiously only to look up and see Ziva laughing at him.' Really Ziva that is not very nice.'

Jimmy Palmer peering around the autopsy door had earlier seen McGee pick up the underwear and after some in depth consideration decided that Michelle was going to need them back. It would also be harder to prove what they had been up to in autopsy if the underwear just conveniently vanished. He snuck around the edge of McGee's desk on his knees and quietly slid open the draw using the argument that appeared to have broken out between Ziva and DiNozzo as cover. Slipping the underwear safely into his pocket he quickly disappeared around the corner.

'I just can't help it. I want to know what McGee is doing with women's underwear in his draw. It is distracting to me and that means its distracting to the case.' Tony shoved himself away from his desk again and wandered over to McGee's draw and pulled it open.

'They're gone!!' He quickly searched the draw, rummaging over McGee's neatly sorted paper clips, staples and pens. 'I only put them here a minute ago? He looked up to Ziva in amazement. 'What we seem to have here is the Mystery of the Disappearing Panties'

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Bit ridiculous really but I had to get it out so I had more room for the growing complexities of The Prank. Let me know what you think. Doesn't feel as well written as I would like but have stared at it and fiddled around for some days with it so no more.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

It was as Tim left the men's locker room complete with a fresh change of shirt after the Petty Officer had thrown up on him when confronted with a photo of his murdered friend, that he saw them. It was another pair of woman's underwear in the middle of the corridor. This time they were pretty lacy briefs and bright red. What was it with NCIS? Were women simply wandering around commando all the time or were they simply careless with their smalls, throwing them around corridors with high abandon? Did he miss the memo on the can can dancing classes?

Well in for a penny, in for a pound. He already had one pair to find a home for. Perhaps this pair would help solve the mystery? He realised after he had picked them up that while they were outside the men's locker room they were also in the general proximity of the woman's locker room. Should he hold open the door and simply kick them inside in the hope that said owner was still inside and would claim them?

At that instant, two women came out of the locker room and nearly collided with him as he awkwardly considered his position outside the door. With a couple of strange looks being thrown his way as he lingered hesitating outside the woman's change room he decided that a hasty retreat was quickly becoming the best option.

For the second time that day McGee found himself with woman's underwear tucked into his pocket. He couldn't help but smile at himself. Perhaps this was going to become a habit? He thought of what DiNozzo would say if he knew what he had. And then the smile disappeared as he considered the endless ribbing he would get when it came out that they weren't as a result of an exciting torrid liaison with said owner of underwear but simply more of an ingrained aversion to littering. He could hear the taunts now.

McGee arrived back in the squad room and quickly stuffed them into his draw. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the Director and Cynthia coming out of MTAC and headed up to her office. This was his chance to be free of his growing collection.

Jimmy triumphantly waived his stolen booty at Michelle, relief lighting up his features. 'Um why are you waiving another woman's underwear at me?' The smile quickly disappeared off Jimmy face. 'What? Aren't these yours?'

'No when have I worn that rather lurid shade of blue?'

'Um I saw McGee pick them up outside of autopsy after we had…. well you know and after the last incident, I felt for sure they were yours.' Michelle shook her head 'Well what are we going to do? You have to sneak them back!'

'Sneak them back?'

'Well yes, if your quick he might not even be back yet to know they were gone in the first place and then we will have nothing more to do with them.'

Jimmy sighed and headed back up to the squad room.

Tony eyed his fellow team member suspiscously, as Tim walked past him and headed up the stairs towards MTAC.

'Tony get back to work' Ziva called over to him her head still down over her keyboard. Tony ignored her

'Doesn't it make you wonder? I mean underwear, no underwear, underwear and then totally missing under my nose. What's with that? I can't even confront him about it as I have no proof now. Maybe I just missed something. I mean underwear doesn't just disappear does it?' Tony headed towards McGee's desk while Ziva just rolled her eyes.

'Just leave it Tony, you really should be concentrating on the case'.

Tony shut his eyes and dramatically called out 'Abracadabra' and waived his arm around before whipping the draw open.

'Um Ziva??'

'Yes Tony? You didn't find any underwear did you?'

'Um actually Ziva, I did.'

'You did?'

'Yes but … Ziva what colour was the underwear I showed you this morning?'

'What colour? '

'Yes'

'Well it was a very bright blue.'

'That's what I thought.'

'What?' Ziva turned to Tony who was standing behind McGee's desk. He slowly pulled up a pair of bright red lacy briefs and starred astonished back at Ziva.

'Wait that's a completely different pair?'

Tony's excitement was making it hard not to shout across the squad room. 'What did he do? Swap them while he was away? Is he running some sort of underwear exchange program?'

Ziva raised her eyebrows 'Ok I must say I do think that is strange. Curiouser and curioser.'

'I mean McGee with one set of underwear in a day is strange but two completely different women in one day?'

'How do you know they belong to different woman?' Ziva enquired still staring at the red underwear.

'Well let me explain. Not only different style but they happen to be a different size. While these are still very small they are a size bigger than the ones we had earlier.'

'The magic disappearing ones? Ziva asked, a smile on her face.

'Yes Ziva, the magic disappearing ones. This could be symptomatic of a bigger problem and I must think on this for a while before I confront Probalicous on his Panty Pandemic.' Tony carefully put the underwear back in it's place and closed the draw.

'What you should be thinking of is the C A S E not of Timothy McGee's underwear theft. Ziva spelled out the word even as her mind whirled over how McGee had got his hands on a pair of her underwear – particularly her favourite sexy red ones.

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Ah ha! Please review. Silly really but had to be done. One more chapter to go nearly finished.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

'Cynthia um' Tim stood at the door and realised he had no idea how to start this conversation.

'Would you like to see the Director?'

' Um no, I actually came up to see you '

'Oh really? Well that's nice, no one really seems to come up her to see me'. Tim shuffled his feet nervously as the words he needed to say ran through his head, out the door and into the car park giggling and pushing each other in their excitement to be free. Cynthia smiled reassuringly at Tim, who she gathered from his response was rather nervous about whatever it is he was going ask.

'Its all right, I can keep a secret if it is confidential'. Tim smiled at her a bit relieved none the less and started 'Well you see I have this underwear…'

'I'm sorry?'

'I mean it's woman's underwear…'.

'Excuse me????'

'Oh no no it's not like that! I found some underwear in the autopsy corridor. I didn't realise what it was at first,' his words tumbled out in a rush as he tried to make himself understood 'and now I have this pair of underwear, well now two actually and I don't know what to do with them. I was hoping you would maybe ask around to see if some of the ladies had dropped or were missing a pair of underwear?'

Cynthia smiled at the nervous agent. 'I would love to help but there is a big operation on at the moment and the Director has asked that I stay here and screen calls while she is on the phone to Sec Nav. I could be here all day, I just don't know. Sorry McGee. I do know that there is a lost and found section over in the Accounts department on the other side of the building.' She smiled up at him as she watched his face fall. 'Actually if you are going over there you could do me a favour?' She asked hopefully 'I was tidying up in the boardroom yesterday, putting out some files in preparation for a meeting and I found this.' She pulled a black lace suspender belt out of her filing cabinet. Tim just starred at it and then they both began to laugh.

'Well someone is definitely having much more of an exciting life than I am'.

'And me!' Cynthia agreed 'I am kind of in the same situation. I just have not had the chance to go over there and drop it off. Could you if you're already going over there?' Again that hopeful smile.

Tim sighed 'Well I suppose it's a two panties to one suspender belt vote and I loose. Don't worry I will try and do it as soon as I'm able.'

'Thanks McGee. If I do get the chance to get out of here earlier than I thought and it looks like you have been tied up with work, I will take them over.' Tim nodded and now with a suspender belt wadded up in his pocket headed back to his desk.

Jimmy waited until Tony and Ziva had left the squad room and headed down to see Abby about the ballistics report before slipping the bright blue thong back into the draw. After a double take he realised that there was yet another pair of underwear in the draw. How had he missed them the first time? He realised he didn't know what colour the underwear Michelle was missing this time was. He really should pay more attention to them before whipping them off. Thinking McGee was still out with Gibbs and the other two could be a while he slipped the red pair into his pocket and trotted off to see Michelle hoping that his time for sure he must be right. How many pairs of woman's underwear could be lying around NCIS or well in fact in Timothy McGee's drawer in one day?

Tony and Ziva came back up to the squad room. Tony unable to help himself, and with McGee still having that paperwork signed off by the Director, snuck a quick peak into the draw. He took a deep breath 'I don't believe it!'

'What? Ziva looked across at him, her curiosity getting the better of her after hearing the surprised breath. Tony without saying a word lifted with one finger the original bright blue thong up.

'Its back?' Ziva responded surprised 'and what about the red pair?' Tony shook his head and then thoroughly searched the draw before turning and running through McGee's filing cabinet and everything surrounding his desk.

'Nope not a sign, it's like the underwear is changing its colour and shape somehow?' 'Don't forget disappearing completely' Ziva replied helpfully.

'Yes yes that too!' Tony placed the underwear cautiously back into the drawer almost as if it might explode at any moment and went to sit down at his desk.

'My head hurts' he started rubbing his temple. 'I'm glad you were here to witness this Ziva or I might think I was going mad. Ok ok I think I need a timeline or a chart or something will help explain the mystery.'

'Of the case?'

'No Ziva, the Preposterous Panties '.

'Gibbs will kill you if he finds out' Ziva taunted

'I am a highly trained investigator. I will not allow McGee's silky underthings to beat me at my own game.'

Some minutes later…..

Tony peered down at the scribbled drawings of arrows, times and people in attendance he had made, complete with both blue and pink highlighters to indicate the underwear. 'Ok if we leave the room in theory the underwear, going on current trend will either change colour and the red ones will be back or they will disappear completely. Come on Ziva we have to go just for a minute'.

'Why nothing will happen except Gibbs will chew us out of not working on the case.'

'Come on Ziva' Tony tugged at her arm until she relented.

'Ok just for a minute and we will go see Ducky as he might have some more information for us if he has finished his autopsy.'

Jimmy waited again and once the pair had argued their way to the elevator he stuffed the red briefs into the draw along with its bright blue companion.

Tim walked down the stairs somewhat despondent. Instead of getting rid of the underwear he appeared to have inherited a pair of black lace suspenders. Still at least he knew where lost and found was now and as soon as he got the chance he would stuff his pockets and head across to the other side of the building and be free of his growing taunting burden. It was as he went to sit at his desk that his phone rang with Abby calling with an excited urgent request for him to come straight down and help her collate the blood splatter analysis. Sighing he placed the suspender belt into his draw and glancing to see if DiNozzo was around, hurried across to the lift. He really needed to get rid of this……. This…… this collection before Tony caught on as otherwise he was a dead man.

'Ok Ziva, this should be long enough for the underwear to work its magic.'

'It's magic?' Ziva turned to assess her team mate. 'Yes well, until I can figure out what is going on'. Tony almost bolted out of the lift and with a quick look to assure him that neither McGee nor Gibbs was around stood at McGee's desk. With a deep breath he closed his eyes and began to pull the draw open. Opening one eye he peeped down into the open draw. 'I don't believe it! They're multiplying!' 'What?' Ziva came over and also peered into the draw. She picked up the black lace suspender belt while Tony picked up the original blue thong in one hand and the red briefs in the other. Tony and Ziva starred at each other. 'Well even I have to say this is strange'.

'Ok now its confrontation time. This is just getting ridiculous. At the current rate of expansion it would appear there won't be a woman left in the building with underwear on by the end of the week! They will all be busting out of Timmy McGee draws!' Tony stuffed the underwear back into the drawer and dragging Ziva went off in search of Gibbs or McGee. It didn't really matter which one he collared first as it would all end up with the angelic Timothy McGee, his Probie having to come down off his high horse, throw his halo in the bin and admit to doing naughty things…. At work….. with different woman…in one day! Ha he would never be able to raise an eyebrow in Tony's direction again.

Tony saw Gibbs stepping out of the elevator and rushed through the squad room towards him, Ziva hot on his tail to witness the confrontation. 'Boss!!! Boss! McGee has a collection of women's underwear in his draw and it is affecting his work! He was almost rubbing his hands with glee.

'What are you talking about, DiNozzo?' Gibbs stared at Tony

' He has magic underwear in his draw and it keeps disappearing and reappearing and…. and just look in his draw!'

Gibbs starred at his Senior Agent who was currently babbling about magic underwear and wondered if Tony had been hit in the head – again.

'Tony if McGee wants to wear woman's underwear that is his prerogative. I just don't want to know about it!'

'Hey I do not wear woman's underwear! McGee, his worst nightmare confirmed rushed out of the lift across the room in a flash and grabbed Tony's arm. Tony wrestled with McGee for the right to open the draw and as they both struggled, tipping McGee chair over in the process the draw flew open to reveal………. Neat piles of staples, pens and paper clips. Gibbs peered over Tony shoulder and grinned. 'Yes I can see how the neatness of McGee's draw has caused you such alarm, DiNozzo.' He head slapped him. 'Now that's for spreading false rumours about your team mates' and then he head slapped him again 'that one is for not concentration on the case!'

McGee looked up amazed at his clean underwearless draw. At that instant he looked up to see Cynthia waiving at him, catching his attention and pointing to the little boutique style paper bag she was carrying before heading towards the lift. Tim sighed and then smiled. She had obviously felt sorry for his predicament and briefly freed of her duties headed to the Lost and Found. And just in the nick of time. Tim breathed a sigh of relief. Finally. Well on with the day and solving this case.

Tony was silent at his desk for a moment before beginning a slow rock back and forth. 'There was underwear and it changed colour! Boss you see and it was magic and maybe it flew away and then just came back but it waited for us to see it? No maybe it was Magic Vegas underwear like what those hot magician assistants wear …….. '

Ducky stuck his head outside the autopsy doors and looked up and down the corridor. Where on earth could they be? Underwear didn't simply get up and walk away? Such a nice shade of blue they were too. Reminded him of the sky when he was a child after the war…….

Director Sheppard waited until Cynthia had headed out on some errand before she had walked across to the boardroom. She had moved every chair, looked under the table and opened every cupboard and she still couldn't find it. Maybe her car????

Michelle sighed. Really the cost of her lost underwear was starting to spiral. She liked to have nice pretty underwear but at this rate she just wasn't going to wear bottoms. It was proving too risky and too expensive.

Ziva mused quietly to herself. Perhaps McGee's skills were better than he was letting on, if he had be able to acquire her underwear without her noticing. Tony had teased her that he had a crush on her but she hadn't believed him. Now she decided he certainly deserved closer watching. She smiled across at him as he worked.

Tim looked up to see Ziva smiling at him. He felt a bit creeped out. Did she know that he really did have underwear in his draw? He turned around to see if she was really looking at someone behind him. Nope. She was still smiling when he turned around so he smiled back. She really was beautiful when she smiled.

The End!!


End file.
